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李尚龍2017年全新力作《你要么出眾,要么出局》(節選)

時間:2017-04-28    點擊: 次    來源:網絡    作者:佚名 - 小 + 大


01

大學時期我參加英語演講比賽,在進入賽場后,評委走來說:今年的賽制變了。

在此之前,比賽的邏輯很簡單,你演講結束,評委和嘉賓開始打分,按照分數高低去評判,每個人都在出分之前,不知道自己的名次。

可是那次,比賽規則全部變了。

評委的面前,只有兩盞燈,一盞叫做通過,另一盞叫做離開。

沒有中間選項,沒有待定,要么出眾,要么出局。

那次比賽之后,我仔細觀察了許多電視節目,幾乎都變成了這個模樣,要么入選,要么淘汰。

觀眾看的簡單,評委選的艱難,雖然形式各異,但是總體的趨勢都變成了一個樣子:yes or no,I want you或者I don’t want you。

我曾經問過一個電視人,為什么這么殘忍,搞個待定讓人舒服一點不行嗎?非要這么殘忍,直接就yes no了,搞得人那么下不了臺?

他給我說了一句話,我永生難忘:難道生活不就是這樣殘酷嗎?

02

這個世界其實真的很殘酷,人就是這樣,要么出眾,要么出局,沒有中間選項。

而在中國總是多一些中庸的片段,讓人能舒服一些,可是這些中庸的片段增加了我們生活的溫和,同時也增加了復雜性,但揭開這些中庸背后的邏輯,背后從來都是殘忍。

我的一個朋友來北京找工作時投了幾家簡歷,他最喜歡的是一家做風投的公司,那次面試結束后,他聽到對方說:你回家等消息吧。

他回到家,焦急的等待著,直到其他幾家公司都給他發來了offer,希望他盡快入職,他依舊沒有等到那家公司的郵件,他發郵件給那家公司,也沒有一個準確的回復,直到他在放棄發來offer那家公司前,他通過那個公司內部的朋友得知自己早就落選了。

他很生氣的抱怨:為什么不給我發個郵件明確的告訴我被拒絕了?明確告訴我不就行了?為什么非要拖著我?害我差點把別的公司拒了。

我想,這是大多數公司的邏輯,沒有消息就是被拒絕了,可是,難道發一條拒絕的消息這么困難嗎?難道說一句不好意思你出局了這么艱難嗎?后來我發現,確實很艱難,在這個社會上,拒絕意味著敵意,敵意代表著樹敵,所以,才在找工作這個領域上,除了出眾和出局外,多了第三個選擇:待定。

待定的邏輯,其實基本就是沒戲了。這項選項本身不存在,但是因為怕得罪人,所以才給了被人這樣的一線希望。

但這項希望背后,將有可能是更大的失望。

同樣的邏輯還在戀愛中,這些年,我見過許多條件不錯的男生女生都有備胎,備胎邏輯讓我一直十分不解,對于一個被追求的男生或者女生,難道不應該時喜歡就答應,不喜歡就應該直接拒絕嗎?

不是。

我們還有第三個邏輯,就是待定,我見過一個女生跟男生說:我不討厭你,但你愿意等我玩兒夠了再回來,我們就在一起。

天啊,天底下還有這樣的邏輯嗎?

更詭異的是,那個男的還同意了,不僅同意了,還屁顛屁顛的接了盤,兩個人結了婚。

我所得知的是,后來男人在結了婚之后的幾個月就提出了離婚,理由是他也沒玩兒夠。

我所理解的愛情應該是簡單的,要是喜歡,就奮勇直追,要是不喜歡,就別吊著別人,盡快拒絕。中間選項害人,讓人上不去下不來,你明明可以改變情感導向去喜歡另一個姑娘,可是你一想,我的女神還給著我機會呢,我要好好表現,老實的等,當好備胎,不就能在一起了嗎。

等著等著,等到了女神結婚的消息。

所以,真實的世界里,沒有折中選項,要么出眾,要么出局,折中的選項,讓世界變得復雜,甚至讓人迷茫,你可以表達這種的思想,但你千萬不要相信,你總要站一邊,要不然就更迷茫。

就比如我曾經問一個朋友,你想吃什么,朋友說,隨便。我說,那你想去吃肯德基嗎,他說,肯德基有什么好吃的?我又問,那麥當勞可以嗎?他說麥當勞有什么好吃的,我繼續問,那你想吃什么,他說隨便。

那么,這就不是隨便。

你有想法,就要表達出來,就好比別人問我,李老師,您有什么忌口嗎?我一定會說,不好意思,我不能吃辣。

我一定不會說,隨便。

03

你可能說我極端,說我們就是在這個極端的世界里變壞的,所以,中庸永遠是最好的方式。

的確,看起來應該是這樣,可是,我們也就是在這樣一個環境和思維下變得迷茫的,變得里外不是人的。

比如我們晚上要加班,女朋友又鬧著要一起吃飯,你到底應該選擇什么?

中庸的邏輯就是你加班到十點,然后陪女朋友吃夜宵。

你以為兩個人都不得罪,其實老板怪罪你,為什么其他人加班到十一點,你提前了一個小時走,女朋友抱怨你,為什么這么晚才來陪我。

其實我們真的可以跟女朋友說,不好意思,今天加班,明天我一定陪你;也可以跟老板說,我女朋友今天生日,她對我更重要一些,你隨便扣錢吧。

看似得罪了一方,其實自己減少了很多痛苦,你完全可以協調的更好,注意,我沒有否認中庸,只是當世界本身就極端時,你選擇走中間的方向,路卻是走的難了很多。

有時候,減少幾個選項真的能幫助你很多忙,人就是一個不停糾結、不停選擇的動物,年齡越大,越應該在生命中做減法:減少一些不走心的朋友,減少一些沒必要的信息,減少一點讓自己不開心的生活方式。

畢竟,我們每個人都不可能顧及到每一個人,你要學會去做選擇,選擇,能讓你減少很多麻煩。

我們都有這樣的時刻:擺在我們面前的兩條路,應該怎么選擇。

許多人都在兩條路上徘徊著,或者自己開辟了一條中間的路,走的累,走的慢,還走的痛苦,為什么不能選擇一條,勇敢的走,忘掉另一條呢?

要知道,最壞的選擇就是不選擇。

有人會問,如果兩條路,非要選擇一條,不讓我走中間,走錯了怎么辦?

其實這就是人生,選擇了就拼命往前,放棄了就不要后悔,何況,沒有一條路是白走的,有些路就算沒有理想的結局,這條路周圍的風景,也是這輩子最美好的記憶。

所以在做這件事情之前,你必須暗示自己:要么出眾,要么出局。

這樣義無反顧的前行,才會有更好的收獲。

04

再舉一個例子。

曾經有許多學生問過我應該考研還是應該工作,而且他們問我的時間,往往是在10月份,要知道,12月份就要開始考研。

他們放棄不了不上不下的工作,也放棄不了已經迷糊復習兩個月的考研,時間又很緊迫,于是,他們選擇折中的方式:一邊工作,一邊考研。白天工作疲憊不堪,晚上看書三心二意,到頭來,被領導辭退,考研還失敗。

許多人的思維就是這樣,在做一件事情之前,沒有破釜沉舟的決心,又什么也不肯放棄,尋找著中間選項,然后唯唯諾諾的前行,這樣的結果就是患得患失、不盡全力。

可是,你是否發現,當你最后幾個月背水一戰的決心考研,或者咬緊牙關放努力工作時,勝率自然就大了很多,當然你可以說,要是我這么做都失敗了怎么辦?

但至少你盡了全力,不后悔了,總結一下自己失敗的原因,擦亮武器,迎接下一次戰斗。

另外,你這么年輕,為什么怕失敗,大不了從頭再來,大不了大器晚成。

所以,其實這就是年輕時最好的選擇:要么出眾,要么出局。

選擇了就堅持,放棄了就別后悔,選擇一條喜歡的路,義無反顧的走,哪怕遍體鱗傷,鼻青臉腫。自己選擇的路,跪著也要走完。

生活沒有中間選項,沒有捷徑,就算有,也是你走到終點時,回頭隱約看到的那條小路。

可是,無論路多么繞,路邊的風景,永遠是不可替代的、最美的經歷。

作者:百萬暢銷書作家、中國優質新偶像李尚龍2017年全新力作《你要么出眾,要么出局》

上一篇:羊吃狼——我讀《狼圖騰》

下一篇:《肖申克的救贖》觀后感

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